Lessons Learned from a Cupcake

One of my intentions for this blog is to share some of the stories of what this newlywed couple encounters in the day to day as we grow and learn together. There will no doubt be times of joy and laughter, but also times of frustration and humility. My hope is that this is a place where others can share their insights and experiences so that we can gain new ideas or perspectives together.

 I knew from the start that marriage was not going to be a cakewalk and I also knew that life was going to be very different. I’ve heard over the years, “You have to work at marriage every day”. Marriage was not something that I’ve had a false idea about.  It's funny however, when you know these things, but then once you are actually living it out…well…it’s just funny. It’s a lot like when I was a kid and all of the adults would say, “Time sure does fly as you get older.” I NEVER believed that as a kid. It seemed like the time between Christmas each year was FOREVER. Now, as someone that is going to be 32 in less than a month (I know…I can’t believe it either) I understand what all the adults were talking about back when I was a kid! Well, the same is true with sharing your life with another…I’m beginning to see it now. It’s been an absolute joy, but it requires humility.

Humility is the key word for this entry. Noah learned a little something about me recently through an experience I am sure he never thought he’d see from me. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I’m sure we all have our moments, right?

I was planning to have people over for Noah’s birthday. It was also our first time “entertaining” since we had been married. I was excited to have people over for the “first time”. I planned on making our favorite White Chicken Chili and some cupcakes for dessert.  I wasn’t going to make just any cupcakes though. These were going to be the most perfect and creative cupcakes ever!!! If you know me at all I am not Suzie Homemaker. There may beonly a fraction of a percent of her in me.

The most perfect and creative cupcakes ever were going to have a dollop of homemade white frosting and then sticking out of the frosting were going to be two homemade candy skis. I had very high expectations for these cupcakes and they were going to be a hit at the party!

So I made the cupcakes and let them cool for the afternoon. A few hours before people were expected to arrive; I started making the homemade frosting. The recipe called for butter, powdered sugar, a little milk and vanilla. Seems easy enough, right? I go to the refrigerator and get out my spreadable butter, find the powdered sugar and vanilla and I get started. As I am whipping the ingredients together I’m noticing that my frosting is pretty runny. I add some extra powdered sugar (and a little flour- thinking that may help), but it didn’t do the trick. I’m starting to think that maybe my kitchen is too warm. So, I put the frosting outside for a little while thinking that the freezing temps may stiffen it up a bit. Twenty minutes later, the frosting is the perfect consistency and I start frosting the cupcakes with my handy new frosting decorating thingy (it’s sort of like a pastry bag). I’m excited because it looks like the cupcakes are going to turn out.

Until….

I look over at the cupcakes that I have frosted just minutes ago and….(enter a deflating sound here)…

my perfect dollops of frostings have melted into sad, oozing pools of sticky, slimy goo. It was a very sad mess. A horror of all horrors when one has such high hopes. They were the saddest frosted cupcakes that I have ever seen. The white slime dripped down the side o f the cupcake, down onto the cooling rack, and all over the counter. It was an utter mess.

I only had an hour before people were going to be coming, I had not taken a shower yet, and now I had this mess…on top of figuring out what I was going to do for dessert.

It took all of a second for all hell to break loose. I whip the bowl of frosting into the sink, threw the utensils into the dishwasher…dishes are clanking and I am uttering vile words under my breath. Noah comes down the stairs just as I begin throwing cupcakes one by one into the garbage with such force, one would think I was trying out to be the next great pitcher for the Twins or something.
As each cupcake turns towards it death, the most ugly of words I think I have spoken are escaping my mouth. “*&$%@& cupcakes! Why the *&$%! *&^! &%*! *#@!

As I reach to grab the next victim, I get a glance of Noah’s face. He has a look of a combination of sheer horror and not being able to control himself from laughing. Can one have such a face? His expression forces me to pause for one second and he asks, “Honey? What’s wrong?”

My cupcake rant continues as another two victims get thrown into the trash. “&$% cupcakes! They’ve melted all over the place and made a mess of the *#$ kitchen! People are going to be  here in an hour and now I don't have any *^# cupcakes!!”

Noah attempts to save the situation with, “Honey, they’re fine” and he begins to dig a few out of the garbage. “We can still use them. Don’t waste them. We’ll just wipe them off.”

I take the cupcake from his hand and throw it into the garbage, “We’re not going to wipe them off and serve them at the party. I will be the laughing stock of the night!

One by one the rest of the cupcakes are thrown into the garbage with brute force and a mumbling of sheer hate. Noah attempts to take a few more out of the garbage, cheer me up and make light of the situation, but I am beyond help. They all are thrown into the trash and the night is ruined as far as I am concerned.

I run up the stairs to quickly take a shower before people arrive. Within minutes I am so embarrassed with my behavior and that Noah has just seen this utterly ugly side of his brand new wife. We had been married for only a month and he has already seen my wrath. He for sure must be regretting marrying such a psycho.

I get dressed and quietly walk down the stairs. Noah is in the kitchen getting things ready for the night. He looks at me and sheepishly smiles. We start laughing hysterically and he opens his arms for a hug. Wow! I have a great husband.

We laughed for a few minutes. I apologized for my scary and awful behavior and he just says, “It’s okay…we all have our moments.”

I realized that it wasn’t necessarily the cupcakes that set me off. It was a whole heap of things that had been building up over the weeks; mainly stress towering up over the need to control every situation. When Noah and I started sharing a house and a life together, I very quickly realized that I cannot control everything… neither can he. What’s the point of being married if one person is going to control everything? Marriage allows for two people to figure out life together. There are things that we can control and things that we can’t. It’s important to know the difference, allow space for change, and try not to get bent out of shape when something happens that was outside of your original plan.

Bare with me everyone; I’m a work in progress.

So what happened with the cupcakes? Where did I go wrong? I figured out that it was the spreadable butter that I had used. Note to self: Use regular unsalted butter when making homemade frosting. It will save A LOT of trouble.